Start Living the Life of Your Dreams
I used to feel I had to life my life inside of a boundary that offered security in exchange for my individuality. Dreams that were once so bright and vivid across the whole canvas now appeared distorted when forced to fit within this tiny cube. I’d use tiny brushes and strokes to minimize my talents and interests all for the sake of fitting inside this little box. Because the box was safe I knew if I stayed in it, I’d be all but guaranteed a steady paycheck, enough money for food & clothes and an occasional vacation which is all I should ever want in life, right?
Ultimately, there was no room in the box for my passions and the things that set me apart from everyone else. I felt envious of people who had their “thing” their “art” or a form of expression that they toiled over and then presented it in all of it’s glory for the rest of the world to see. My perception of what an artist or creative was supposed to be was the farthest thing from the narrow vision that I had painted for myself. In spite of my reality there were still the dreams or visions that I’d have that kept me inspired. I couldn’t shake the idea that within me I was destined to achieve those dreams, that I had all the brushes and colors at my canvas to paint the picture. I just had to do it.
The more I stepped back and looked outside the box and at the canvas as a whole, I’d get back in touch with that feeling that I could do anything. That I didn’t have to wait until the after life to find peace. That I didn't have to surrender to the almighty dollar. That my thoughts and experiences as a black woman were inherently valuable, period. That the visions I was given were real and that it was up to me to be a vehicle for God to manifest their will through me.
I started making getting in touch with that place of infinite potential a priority of mine, forsaking sometimes friends and family to be with myself and meditate. They’d think I was crazy if they knew that here I was sitting before a rack of candles and sage, chanting affirmations, and sitting in complete silence. I've always taken good care of myself in the physical sense. Having these rituals like my epsom salt and essential oil bath or morning meditation catered to me on a mental and spiritual level. The more I did it, the deeper I’d go, and the more detailed and vivid the dreams would become.
What was that place? Where do my thoughts and ideas coming from? Was it God? All these were questions that I asked myself in my journal to try and get back in touch with who I really am. Often times the answers weren’t in any book. The deeper I went I began to uncover the sources of limiting beliefs I had about myself that led to a lot of negative self talk. As someone who suffered from anxiety, regaining control of my thoughts and shutting out negative ones made me feel like I could master anything. I made wellness and healing myself my ultimate priority and today it still is.
Not only did I have to take that leap and not be afraid of the fall, but I had to be transparent about what I was doing or else, what was it all for? If I wasn’t going to let people in to see what I was going through, then how could they know how far I had come? How could they rejoice in my victories if they hadn’t seen where I’d begun? That’s why people go to the movies because they want to see a happy ending. If I could believe and celebrate in the joys of fictional characters, how come I couldn’t believe and do the same for myself?
I had to realize that this blog isn’t about me. That I am just a conduit for you to realize your true power. The words I write here are my own, but I write them to inspire you. My tutorials and videos aren’t just here to garner likes and admiration but to uplift and empower you. If there’s someone out here who doesn’t like it, thinks that it’s wack, or doesn’t get why hair is such a big deal - then clearly this content isn’t for them. I had to stop trying to appeal to everyone and just focus on being the most authentic amazing version of my self and not some watered down palpable version that could be stomached by the masses.
So here I stand, with my canvas uncovered holding it over my head for the entire world to see. I think it looks pretty good now, but I am under no obligation to keep it the same. I am constantly evolving and can take on whatever configuration suits me because I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul. If I work hard every single day to bring my thoughts, ideas, and visions to life and then it resonates or helps someone else, then that is success. My happiness is not circumstantial, because if it is not subject to outside influence. It comes from a calm relaxed mind and the sense of peace I feel when I am in tune with my purpose. I am creating my life one brush stroke at a time, and everyday is a masterpiece.